Inquiry, Property, Communications, Supply, & Ink
by Jougetsu
Summary: Five ways the Superbuddies didn't find out about Booster and Ted's relationship. Non-explicit slash.


_"Five Ways People Didn't Find Out About Booster & Ted"_

**Warnings: **Slash, Booster + Ted

**Setting/Comic Canon:** All Pre-Omac & Crisis, the last four specifically the Superbuddies era.

Also, unbeta'ed so all mistakes are mine. I also haven't written for DCU fandom in years so I'm still getting the hang of it.

***

**Inquiry**

"So Oracle..."

"Do you require assistance Booster Gold?"

"You're friends with Blue Beetle, Ted, right?"

"I cannot divulge personal information, Booster."

"It's just that you gotta lot of really precise info 'bout superheroes..."

"Booster."

"I was hoping that maybe..."

"Spit it out, Booster."

"Can you find out Ted's ring size for me?"

"...give me five minutes."

* * *

**Property**

Ted had woken up that morning just knowing that it wasn't going to be one of his better days. At breakfast he discovered the coffee maker had mysteriously stopped working (though he was pretty sure the culprit's name rhymed with "rooster"). During his daily diagnostic on the Bug he discovered a problem in the cooling system, and furthermore a step outside the apartment made it clear the garbage strike had started up again. When Max called together the Superbuddies to stop the metahuman fight that broke out at a local bodega, well things couldn't get too much worse.

So as he was passing out from a nasty knock to the head, his last conscious thought was that at least the bad day was over.

Until he woke up to snickering. Which was confusing since it was general superhero etiquette that when a fellow hero was knocked out of a fight and recovering from injuries, you didn't laugh at them.

"How are you feeling, Ted?"

At least Sue sounded concerned. He wasn't quite sure if he wanted to open his eyes to find out what was so funny.

"I've been better, Sue."

Until he realized it was a little too breezy. Which meant that most of his costume was probably removed, judging by the bandages he could feel on his bare legs. Which meant anyone there could see...

"But I don't understand, Bea, why would Beetle be wearing undergarments that clearly state they are the property of Booster Gold?"

Yeah, definitely a bad day.

"I'll tell you later, Mary."

And as soon as he got over the temptation to strangle his partner, it was going to be Booster's responsibility to make up for it with a spectacular night.

* * *

**Communications**

"Well L-Ron, what did he say. Does he know where Beetle is?"

"I have been led to believe they are indisposed for the evening, dear leader."

"Led to believe they're indisposed? Did he give you one good reason why they can't drag themselves over here to cover the shift?"

"The first time he hung up on me, sir."

"And?"

"The second time Mr. Booster said Mr. Kord was also at the apartment, and then something about becoming busy before hanging up again."

"You called again, right?"

"Of course, o insistent one!"

"And then what?"

"When I called back he mentioned something about an animal who possessed double dorsa."

"What?"

"Exactly, sir, I was confused as you were. So I called back."

"And?"

"He hung up again after referring to some exercise, co-operative push-ups I believe."

"And when you called again?"

"Mr. Booster said he was taking the phone off the hook because first of all they were not on call this evening and secondly, and I quote, 'what doesn't Max understand about the fact that I'm in the middle of the best damn sex the two of us have had in weeks.' Then Mr. Kord took the phone and told me to tell you that they were, beyond the shadow of a doubt, indisposed for the remainder of the night."

"..."

"Exactly, sir."

* * *

**Supply**

Bea had never been fond of convenience stores. The only reason she ended up frequenting the one down the street was because Little Miss Sunshine always needed a chaperone. Tonight's errand arose out of Mary's desire replace her chap-stick supply and look for her favorite kind of 'pop.' While skimming through the trashiest tabloids she could find, Bea was surprised to hear two familiar voices the next aisle over.

"Just get what we need so we can leave."

"I'm telling ya', we only really need the lube."

"Until the blood test comes in negative, we're using protection."

"Ya' know, in the--"

"If the next word out of your mouth is 'future', so help me God, I'm leaving."

"They're too many, I don't know which ones do what."

"You said you've done this before. With men."

"Yeah, but in the--"

"What did we say about the 'f-word'?"

"If you're so smart why don't you pick them out?"

"Because maybe the ones you get for women are different. How should I know?"

"You're the smart one!"

Bea hadn't given any thought to interrupting the pair (mostly because it would be more fun to harass them about it at a later date), but a movement in the corner mirror alerted her to Mary being on the verge of discovering Too Much Information about her older teammates.

It was time for an intervention.

A few short steps and a tap on their shoulders made her presence known the Apparently-Not-So-Hetero Dynamic Duo, who spent several moments alternating between sputtering and wincing.

"Save the denial, we don't have time. Since I don't ever plan on explaining gay sex to Pollyanna, let me help you boys out," Bea quickly grabbed some items off shelf. "You'll want non-ribbed, regular condoms, we'll assume medium-sized. For lube, skip out on the flavors for now and go with a good water-based brand. Don't get the warming kind because they turn into an irritating burning sensation really fast. You're better off heating the regular lube on your palms. Got all that?"

"Uh..."

"Thanks?"

"You're welcome, now get lost before Mary finds out you're here."

Bea had never been fond of convenience stores, until they had become a source of entertainment.

* * *

**Ink**

"My cousin owns this place," Hertz told Guy as they entered the tattoo parlor. "Says he's got a guy who's interested in being Dark Side's night manager."

"Oh yeah?"

"Thought we'd check it'd out since we're in the neighborhood. He should be in the back, I'll go get him."

"You do that," answered Guy, scoping out the open work area for babes getting their racks inked.

No dice. He ended up wandering over to where an admittedly fine-looking female artist was putting the finishing touches on a client's tattoo.

"We're almost done, honey. It's looking good," she told the man. "I'm gonna grab the camera for a picture before we put the ointment on."

When she leaned back to get the camera, Guy could see the tattoo design at the nape of the man's neck. He could also see the reflection of the client's face in the window, and smiling pulled out his videophone.

"Nice blue beetle you got there, Booster."

"Guy? What're you doing?"

As expected, Booster turned around just enough for Guy to capture both his face and the tattoo on camera.

"Making easy money, Booster-buddy."

Three minutes later, there were at least a dozen recipients of a picture message from Guy Gardner.

_Subject: I was right--pay up!_

_* * *_

**EDIT:** For anyone who might not understand L-Ron's interpretations of Booster's excuses in "Communications", he's reinterpreting more literal meanings for the following euphemisms for sex: "getting busy," "beast with two backs," and "team push-ups."


End file.
